My Psychoanalytic Journey

The Theory All mammals, including humans, experience terror when faced with the threat of death. Upon seeing a predator, an animal in the wild enters a state of fight, flight, or freezing. Similarly, if my car begins to spin out of control or if I wake up to discover a suspicious lump, I will have this same response. But unlike other mammals, humans are capable of experiencing this terror even when death is not imminent. I can be young and healthy, but simply contemplating my eventual demise can be enough to fill me with terror (Solomon, Greenberg, & Pyszczynski, 2015, location 208). This can create significant problems. Having this fight-flight-freeze response in the face of an imminent threat is adaptive, but having it in the absence of such a threat can be debilitating, preventing one from carrying out the activities required for healthy, productive living. According to terror management theory (TMT), humans learned to solve this problem by creating cultural worldviews. A cultur...

Human Motives, Human Lies Ernest Becker writes that, aside from physical survival, humans are primarily motivated by self-esteem. That is to say, we need to feel good about ourselves, to feel that we’re significant, that we matter and that the world is a better place because we’re in it. As Becker puts it, we need to feel that we’re objects of primary value in a world of meaning (DD 4-7). Now it might seem that we’re actually striving after different things, as some spend their lives seeking fame, others political power, others business success, others religious transcendence, and so on. But these are just different attempts to achieve the same end, assurance that we’re objects of primary value in a world of meaning. Much in life is capable of diminishing this feeling. Other people can easily make us feel that we don’t matter after all, committing violence against us, expropriating our property, sometimes just wounding with their words. When we think about life as a whole, it’s also ea...

“But he loves me…” This is never a good thing to hear. The “he loves me” part is all well and good but never when prefaced with “but.” Here’s what I mean. “He bought me flowers. He loves me.” Oh great, I’m happy for you. See how there’s no reason to add the “but”? It wouldn’t make any sense. “He bought me flowers. But he loves me.” Say what? Now try out this sentence. “He won’t help out around the apartment. But he loves me.” Huh, interesting. Or how about this one? “He cheated on me with my best friend. But he loves me.” Well he really has a funny way of showing it. Early in my twenties I received love advice from a very loud woman named Peggy. Peggy had an opinion about everything, and I certainly didn’t always agree with her, but one day she said something that I found to be profoundly true. “Sex,” Peggy said, “begins in the kitchen.” And no, Peggy wasn’t talking about initiating foreplay on the stovetop. She meant that if you want your partner to desire you, then do the damn dishes...